My partner won’t let me invest in property!

Often with couples, one partner is really interested in property investing; The other is just not as into it.

That's why some property investors say: “My husband or wife won’t let me invest in property!”

Here at Opes, we’re not experts in relationships or human behaviour. But we meet around 50 couples a week who want to invest in property. Through this, we’ve seen what works.

The couples who are successful are on the same page. They’re not both property experts, but they can agree on a plan to invest.

We also see couples who aren’t on the same page. Those couples generally can't agree. So, they don’t put a plan in place to get ahead financially.

But the truth is, investing in property may not be the right fit for you or your relationship.

That’s why in this article you’ll learn how to get on the same page as your partner. That way, you can decide whether investing in property is the right fit for you.

Do you have a question or comment about the article? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section at the end of the page.

Why do some couples fail at property investment?

Let’s say John and Sarah got married 5 years ago.

Sarah has been watching a ton of videos about property investing. She’s also been reading up on the subject non-stop.

Maybe she’s listening to the Property Academy Podcast. Perhaps she’s participating in the Property Investors’ Chat Group on Facebook.

She’s convinced that investing is the right move for her and John’s financial future.

But John – he’s not as into it. He hasn’t gone down the rabbit hole. He’s not familiar with property investing, so he’s got more questions than answers.

John and Sarah will not be successful in property investment unless they get on the same page. And if they don’t, there is a good chance they could get into an argument.

Why do couples fight about property investment?

The argument usually starts when one partner tries to explain property to the other.

Let’s go back to our couple, John and Sarah. Sarah has dived head-first into the world of property investment.

Still, she’ll likely struggle to explain everything she's learned to John. And it’s not because Sarah is a lousy communicator.

Think about what happens when you read a 600+ page novel (or binged a new Netflix series). You loved it. It kept you up late at night. You feel like you just know the characters. It spoke to your innermost desires and heart.

Now, you try and explain it to someone else. What happens?

You’ll ramble. Sure, you might explain the main storyline or plot – but the other person just doesn't get how amazing this is. It’s hard to explain something the first time.

That’s where tensions start to rise.

Because the person explaining starts to feel frustrated. Not with their partner – but with themselves.

It’s annoying when you try to explain a concept but can’t quite get the message across.

This is where you might start to think: “They're not listening to me.” Or “My husband/wife won't let me invest.”

It’s not necessarily their fault. Sometimes it’s hard to explain something, especially when it just makes sense to you.

But (most of the time), you can’t invest without your partner’s permission.

Can I invest without my partner knowing?

No.

And I’ll explain why using a true story of a couple who came to see us here at Opes Partners.

The husband was like Sarah and was super keen to invest.

The wife was like John and wasn’t keen.

After the meeting, the frustrated husband asked us: “Is there any way I can invest – without my wife knowing?”

The answer is: “Absolutely not”.

This is because if you’re investing in property, you’ll likely:

• Borrow the deposit for the investment against a house you and your partner own together

OR

• You might use cash that you’ve both saved for the deposit

OR

• You might need both your incomes for the bank to approve your mortgage.

So, if you need your partner’s money to invest, they need to know about it.

The key message is that you will both put money into the investment. So, you both need to be comfortable with the decision.

If you can afford to do it on your own – maybe it’s a different story. But, if you need joint assets or joint incomes, then you both need to be on board. That’s from both a legal and ethical standpoint.

Not just that, imagine what your significant other will say when you try to spend $600,000 on a property ... without them knowing. Because they will find out.

That's why you can use the following tactics to get on the same page as a couple.

4 ways couples can get on the same page when investing

These are the 4 tactics couples can use to get on the same page. They are simple. But, from our experience here at Opes Partners, they work.

#1 Learn Together – watch and listen to the same things

If only one of you learns about property, the other person might:

- Feel left out of the process

- Lack energy or excitement when it comes to investing

- Have loads of questions that you struggle to answer

The way to change this is to start learning about property investment together.

But you need to do this in a structured way.

Start by listening to a podcast together in the car. Or watch the same video over dinner. Or read the same article on your lunch break.

Then, you need to discuss it together. Ask each other:

- What did you take away from that article?

- What did you learn?

- How could we apply that to our situation?

- How might this work for us?

- How can we use this together?

All of a sudden you are having a dialogue about investment and how to apply it to your shared situation. This puts you on the same team and working together.

Here at Opes Partners we produce a lot of content that couples often use as “homework”.

For instance, you could listen to the Property Academy Podcast or read our book – Wealth Plan.

But you don’t have to just listen and watch our stuff. Check out Mortgage Hq on YouTube, or sign up for Tony Alexander’s newsletter.

#2 Create shared goals

Creating a shared goal is the next way to get on the same team.

That’s why you need to figure out why you want to invest in property.

For most Kiwis, it comes down to:

- Wanting to be comfortable in retirement

- Building a passive income

- Wanting to grow your wealth for the future

But it’s important to apply that to your relationship.

For instance, if you want to live a comfortable retirement, ask your partner:

- “What sorts of things do you want to do in our retirement?”

- “What does a comfortable retirement look like for you?”

Do you want to travel the world, or do you want to help out your kids? (or both).

These are tough questions. But once you’ve figured it out, you can turn it into a goal.

You can use a tool like My Wealth Plan to create a goal and see how close you are to achieving it.

So if you want to retire and spend $1500 a week, what are you on track for if you keep doing what you’re doing?

If you’re not going to hit your shared goal – you now know you’ve got work to do (together) to grow your wealth.

#3 Know your role

At this point, we should make it clear. Just because you and your partner need to be on the same page doesn’t mean you both need to be property nerds.

Let’s go back to John and Sarah.

John might not want to go down the rabbit hole in property investment.

He could be happy for Sarah to take the lead – after all it’s Sarah’s passion, not his.

But John still plays an essential role in the relationship. His role is to support Sarah to help her make the right decision.

How? By providing a sense check. He’s the voice of reason. The person to ask Sarah the right questions to make sure she makes the best decision for the couple.

One of our advisers, Toby, has this type of relationship with his wife.

He’s a financial adviser and an experienced property investor. This means property investment is his hobby and his job. His wife is interested in property, but not to the same degree.

But she still has a solid role to play. She is the shared decision-maker in all their investment choices. She asks the hard questions and tempers his excitement.

That’s not to pull him down; it’s to ensure they make the right choices for their family.

Even though one partner might take the lead, you both have an important part to play.

#4 Talk to a Financial Adviser

If you’re still struggling to find common ground, the final tactic is to talk to a financial adviser.

They can provide unbiased advice and answer any questions you might have.

Let me be clear: your financial adviser is not there to convince your partner they need to invest in property.

But they can help you set goals and create a plan. They can also help apply the concept of property investment to your situation.

For example, here at Opes, we use an even gruntier version of the My Wealth Plan software we showed before.

This helps you see how many properties you need to live the lifestyle you want in retirement.

This often helps couples get on the same page.

How can I convince my partner to invest in property?

If you're trying to convince your partner to invest ... stop.

Stop trying to convince them.

Don’t try and win the argument. Because then they’re going to try and win the fight too.

If you and your partner are in conflict, you need to get on the same team.

The question isn’t “How do I convince them?” The question is, “How do we achieve our financial goals together?”

Once you have that conversation, they will be more open to investing.

Buying an investment property will be one of the most significant decisions you and your partner make. So you both need to be on board.